Wind-up for Christmas

I sat down to “wind down” for Christmas.

Just the usual. Clear the desk. Close the tabs. Reply to the last few messages. Finish the tiny leftover tasks that multiply like ants near sugar.

Then I thought, let me quickly note what I will do over the break.

That is where it ended.

One small list became a longer list. The longer list became categories. Then I made a timeline because obviously some things depend on other things. After that, I started “prioritising” like I am presenting to a panel. Now my Christmas break has a scope, a schedule, and a little section called “risks” which is when I realised I have lost the plot.

I am looking at it and thinking, who made this project? Me only.

And please do not laugh, because I know I am not alone. Many of us do this. Especially the ones who carry too much responsibility in our heads. We say we are resting, but our mind is quietly running a control room.

Here is the truth I do not want to admit. This is not productivity. This is anxiety wearing a blazer.

When life feels uncertain, we try to create certainty by organising something. Anything. Even rest. We tell ourselves we are being “prepared”, but half the time we are just trying to calm the noise in the head by turning it into bullet points.

But rest cannot be managed like a deliverable. The moment you treat a break like a performance plan, it stops being a break. It becomes another thing to succeed at. And then, even sitting down with a cup of tea feels like you are “behind”.

So I am doing a ruthless clean up.

I am keeping only what genuinely matters. One or two items that will make January easier. That is it. The rest can sit there and behave itself. If it does not get done, the world will still spin. No one is failing me for enjoying a chai and doing nothing.

If your end of year “wind down” is starting to look like a project plan, pause for a second.

Ask yourself this.

Are you planning, or are you soothing yourself with admin?